Have you ever placed your hands upon the low that is rock bottom? If you have, did you take the time to glide your fingertips along the cold, hard stone? How did it feel down there? Was it stale, suffocating, excruciating, empty? What sensations came about while you were in the midst of experiencing your lowest low?
Rather than running from what feels like the end, have you ever stopped to take it all in? I know the concept of “taking it all in” may seem strange when referring to the darkest parts of us and our lives, but we do it all the time with the lightest ones. Why not consider trying it out?
When we are experiencing our highest highs: the promotions, career achievements, birthdays, first kisses, babies being born, etc, we often get the advice to make sure to soak up every single second. We’re told to be grateful, to celebrate, to acknowledge the magnitude of what we are currently in the midst of. Why should it be any different with our lowest lows?
I know what you’re thinking.. “Alexa, what the f*ck are you talking about?“ “Why would I ever take the time to soak in the feeling of my darkness?” “Why the heck would I want to be present with the feelings when they’re so freaking heavy to begin with?” “I am already highly unsure if I’ll be able to get up from here ever again and you’re asking me to feel MORE? That’s obscene.”
I never told you I was entirely sane, did it? I actually find insane to be a good thing, at least most of the time. Picture an insane cookie, an insane performance, an insane sunset. Insane means out of the norm and into the magic. I’ll generally always choose magic over logic; sane has never been my baseline.
So yes, darling, I am asking you to do the unthinkable and bask in the presence of your lowest lows.
To be clear, I’m not asking you to stay there, nor am I requesting that you ruminate and go even deeper (if that’s even humanly possible). What I am asking you to do is recognize and experience the feeling of what it is to reach rock bottom in its fullest form.
You’re probably wondering why I’m talking about darkness at a time I’m actually feeling quite light? Well, here’s the thing, if we don’t acknowledge the heaviest, saddest and weakest parts of ourselves, how will we ever truly be free? If we don’t take the time to appreciate the darkest times we somehow found a way to overcome, how can we ever be truly grateful?
I’m going to say this once:
YOU WOULD NOT BE WHO YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU ARE IF YOU HAD NOT OVERCOME YOUR TOUGHEST BATTLES.
One more time in case you’re not with me:
You wouldn’t be who you are or where you are if you had not overcome your toughest battles.
It is often that darkness, experiencing that level of rock bottom and feeling the depths of excruciating pain itself that lead you to gain the courage to find your way out.
WHEN YOU LEARN TO APPRECIATE YOUR PAIN, YOU NO LONGER FEEL INSANE. (This time, I am referring to the mentally unwell kind of insane, not the delicious chocolate chip kind.)
There’s depth in the darkness, my love. There’s magic in the mold, divine guidance in the dirt, clarity in the cracks and elevation in the emptiness.
Never did I ever think I’d say, “there’s magic in the mold” but after being diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease back in 2020 and experiencing the darkness that is black mold in your body, I can tell you firsthand, there’s quite an abundance of light that follows.
Every year, Lewis Howes (one of my favorite podcasters and inspiring leaders) holds this 2-day conference called the Summit of Greatness. Last year was my first time attending and this year I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to return once again. It is a weekend filled with wisdom, inspiration and guidance from some of the top speakers, authors, podcasters and most motivational voices and humans of our time. I’m talking Joe Dispenza, Jay Shetty, Mel Robbins, Gabby Bernstein, Andrew Huberman, Matthew Hussey, Brendon Burchard, the list goes on.
This year, one of the speakers blew my mind and opened my heart in a way it hasn’t been tapped into since it broke a few months ago when my papa passed away. Her name is Amy Purdy. She is a three-time Paralympic medalist, motivational speaker, activist and an absolute icon if I do say so myself.
Amy shared her story on stage and the entire audience, including myself, was captivated by a combination of her strength, what she has overcome, and her immense poise, passion and resilience through all of the obstacles life has brought her way. Amy contracted a rare form of bacterial meningitis when she was 19 years old that caused her to lose both of her legs below the knee, alongside some of her essential organs.
Amy barely left bed for years, thinking her life was essentially over. When she finally got her new legs, “clunks of metal” in her words, she danced with her dad before she could even walk. Her favorite thing in the world was snowboarding and at 21, with a very innovative and “don’t take no for an answer” approach, she found a way to get back on a snowboard. She went on to become the founder of Adaptive Action Sports, a company dedicated to ensuring those with disabilities are able to get involved in action sports like snowboarding and skateboarding. She was asked to be on Dancing With The Stars (MY FAVORITE SHOW) and with Derek Hough as her partner, alongside many different variations of prosthetics and feet, went on to come in second place just behind an Olympic figure skater.
Amy made the impossible possible and continues to every day. She is now 45 years old and made a very powerful statement that honestly inspired this entire share today. Amy said that if you ask her today if she would change a thing about her life, if she could get her legs back, if she could do it all over again, she wouldn’t. Her story made her, HER. Because of everything she went through, it brought her to where she is today. It brought the audience, and myself, to tears. We all gave her a standing ovation and I wish her all the best and lightest things in life.
If you have faced darkness, are in the midst of pain or feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, please know that as much as it feels like it will never end, this may be the beginning of your hero story. The trauma of your past that you still can’t cope with? It may be the story you tell that helps hundreds, thousands or millions of people. Or it may be the story you tell just one person who needs it more than they would ever admit.
If you’re still with me, I have a pretty good feeling you’re at the start of the greatest story you could ever imagine for yourself. Through your pain you have much to gain.
There’s depth in the darkness, there’s longevity in the light and as much as it may not feel like it today, everything is going to be alright.
With so much love and an aura of light,
Alexa 💡
P.S. I’m new here and every single one of you joining my community means the world. We are approaching 100 of us lightbeings here and I’d be honored to have you subscribe and join the family. It takes just one click to support my dream of being a writer and hopefully you gain a little something from my words. :)
The darkness will bring the light!
If people don't reflect on and understand their darkness, they really miss out.
On another note, many people don't know how far bottom is.